Her Husband is Blowing the Lottery Winnings!

(NOTE: Jim's blog is now devoted to answering relationship questions submitted by readers. Please send any questions you may have to jim@attorneyatlove.com).

DEAR JIM: About six months ago, my husband won $200,000 in a state lottery game. What's my problem? He's blowing it like a drunken sailor! He dropped $55,000 on a new Corvette, then took a couple of his buddies to Vegas to see a big boxing match, then gave $25,000 to each of his three adult kids (we were both married before). With all the taxes that were taken out, there's basically nothing left. I've been fuming over this, because it's not like we're made of money. We're not getting any younger, either, and we could have used the $200,000 to supplement our retirement funds. My husband says he has the right to do whatever he wants because he's the one who bought the lottery ticket. Am I right to be mad? ("Mrs. X")

DEAR Mrs. X: Yes, you do have a right to be mad.

The fact that he was the one who bought the lottery ticket is legally irrelevant; the money belongs (or belonged) to both of you. That's true automatically in states that are "community property" states, and in most other states it's standard practice to treat lottery winnings as money to be "equitably divided" in the event of divorce---usually meaning fifty-fifty.

So, legally, half the money he blew was your money. As a practical matter, though, there's not much you can do about it at this point unless you were to file for divorce. In that case, a judge might order your husband to reimburse you for your share of the winnings (maybe to be paid out of his retirement funds). Short of filing for divorce, you should at least insist that the Corvette be sold. Even though it's probably already worth considerably less than your husband paid for it, it's a constant reminder of your husband's selfishness. It might be worth getting what you can for it rather than to have to see the thing in the garage every day of your life.

Whatever you wind up doing, do it soon. You don't want this to be a festering wound for the next ten or twenty years. You need to explain to your husband that, legally, he's wrong, but you also need to explain to him that it's not just a legal issue. If your husband's attitude is that he can do what he damn well pleases, without considering your needs or your feelings, he needs to know that your marriage may be on very shaky ground.

You should, though, try to control your temper when you bring up these matters. Letting your anger get the best of you will just invite retaliation. (I'm sure there are things that you've spent money on over the years that he could throw back in your face). If the two of you can't have a rational discussion, you may want to bring in outside help in the form of a marriage counselor.

Good luck, "Mrs. X", and please let me know what happens.