The Off-Ramp to Adultery

"He claimed he was at a business meeting in Pennsylvania, but I have the E-ZPass records to show that he was in New Jersey that night".
(Lynne Gold-Bilkin, Pennsylvania divorce lawyer)

In the "Thinking About Affairs" chapter of my book, I discuss how technology can make extramarital sex easier to arrange but also easier to detect. You can, for example, send a furtive 2:00AM e-mail to your lover while your spouse is asleep, and then immediately delete it. But how do you know that your lover is as careful to delete the message on her end? And how do you know---until it's too late---that your spouse has not installed one of those programs on the computer that silently records every keystroke, including passwords?

Along the same lines, I recently read a rather chilling newspaper article about E-ZPass records being used as evidence of adultery in divorce cases. In case you're not familiar with them, E-ZPasses are used in many Northeast and Midwest states to allow drivers to bypass the usual toll booths on bridges and toll roads. Typically, the prepaid pass is attached to a car's visor or rearview mirror and sends an electronic signal to an antenna at a toll plaza. Once the driver cruises through the E-ZPass lane, he normally doesn't give it a moment's thought until the next time he's entering or exiting a toll road. However, whether he knows it or not, every time the pass is used a record is made of when it was used and where it was used. And, in most of the states that have E-ZPass, those records are "discoverable" in divorce cases.

People who choose to have affairs have always had to work hard to cover their tracks. But today, there's virtually no way to eliminate the risk of exposure. As with E-ZPasses, the most dangerous risks are the ones no one even thinks about. We take cell phones for granted, but cell calls can be intercepted and monitored, and someone can---intentionally or otherwise---use their cell phone to take a picture of you and someone you shouldn't be seen with. And just because you threw out the itemized call list as soon as the cell phone bill arrived, doesn't mean that it won't be reproduced and turned over to your spouse's divorce lawyer a year or two from now.

I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life, but I am saying that if you think you can conduct an affair for long without getting caught, think again. Big Brother is watching.