She's Into Nutrition and Fitness, He's Not

(NOTE: Jim's blog is now devoted to answering relationship questions submitted by readers. Please submit any questions you may have to jim@attorneyatlove.com).

DEAR JIM: I was seriously overweight for many years, but I've managed to lose over ninety pounds in the past two years. I could still lose a few more, but basically I like the way I look and love the way I feel. I walk at least three miles whenever the weather is good, and do weights at the gym several times a week. My problem is that my husband is a classic couch potato and likes it that way. He's 310 pounds and hasn't exercised regularly since he played football thirty years ago. He hates the nutritious meals I try to prepare for us, and often stops off at McDonald's on the way home from work to have burgers and fries. I'm sorry, but I just can't stand the smell of fried foods any more, and I don't want to be responsible if my husband has a heart attack. Any suggestions? ("Annie")

DEAR ANNIE: I'm not saying your husband is right and you're wrong, but if you genuinely want him to live a healthier lifestyle you've first got to look at things from his perspective.

He probably feels that you've changed the rules in the middle of the game. For most of your married life, it sounds as if you were both couch potatoes and both enjoyed eating fatty foods. But then you woke up and realized that you didn't want to live that way any more, and you actually did something about it. You deserve all the credit in the world for losing the weight and keeping it off, but your husband probably feels he's lost a wife---or at least a sympathetic wife.

If you want your husband to adopt your eating and exercise habits, you'll need to do it gradually. If you take him out of his comfort zone too quickly, he'll just rebel and dig in deeper, which is what he's doing when he goes to McDonald's. So, despite your aversion to them, you should still cook some fried foods for him, but in smaller portions and without as much gravy or other toppings. I'm not a nutritionist, but I know there are plenty of cookbooks, and magazines such as Cooking Light, that are full of tips on how to make meals that are filling and satisfying, but not loaded with calories.

As for exercise, you'll also want him to go slowly. If your husband tries to make up for lost time by doing some of his old football workouts, he really will have a heart attack. Urge him to come with you on one of your walks, but start with just a mile or so. And when he does start losing weight or walking longer distances, be sure to praise him. Tell him how much better he looks. Show more interest in him sexually. Reinforce your message in a way that's positive, not preachy.

Good luck, Annie, and please let me know what happens.