What's in a Name? Plenty!

"With online dating such a huge phenomenon at the moment, users could benefit from understanding how something as simple as a well-chosen screen name could significantly increase their chance of finding a partner."
(Monica Whitty, Ph.D., quoted in TimesOnline)


Monica Whitty, a lecturer in cyber-psychology at Nottingham Trent University, has written extensively on issues related to online dating and is a consultant to e-harmony. She recently presented a paper at the annual conference of the British Psychological Society on a subject that deserves greater attention than it usually gets: the "screen names" people use to accompany their online profiles.

For privacy purposes, virtually every online dating site requires members to choose a screen name, i.e., a name that does not explicitly identify the member. Normally, the sites allow members to use just about any screen name they want, as long as it is unique, non-identifiable, and not obscene (although it's amazing what sometimes gets by the censors). For a lot of people, the screeen name is nothing more than an afterthought, which is why there are so many that sound alike (if you see susan5043, it probably means that susan1 through susan5042 have already been taken).

Dr. Whitty's research suggests that online daters, both male and female, should give more careful attention to choosing the right screen name. She found that many people won't bother reading a profile if the screen name is boring, weird, or offensive. What's boring? Well, anything of the susan5043 variety is boring, as is justme, citygirl, and goodguy4u. What's weird? I suppose the answer is anything the writer thinks is clever but which causes the typical reader to say, "Huh?". Some examples might be silly nicknames or "in" jokes (bubbleanniekins, willibilli, cerealgirl); references to obscure or off-putting interests (dungiedraggieguy, hulahoopgal); or names that are nonsensical (superbamcamman, zzyzlehead).

What's offensive? Surprisingly, according to Dr. Whitty, references to wealth were considered far more offensive than references to sex. Luvmyporsche, bimmerboy, wealthynwise, bigbuxbob, and the like were almost universally ridiculed by people in the study, including women who had admitted they're often attracted to affluent men. According to Dr. Whitty, "...showing off about one's wealth from the outset might reflect a superficial personality, egotism, embellishment, or out-and-out deceit".

I would add a few other no-no categories: names that say you're sad and lonely (aloneagain, rulonely2?); names that bring up failed relationships (stillhurtin, divorceddad); and, for women, names that imply that you define yourself solely as a mother (samsmom, soccermominohio).

What kinds of names did the study participants actually like? The favorites, for both men and women, were names that were playful or flirtacious but not raunchy. Fun2bewith, luv2bekissed, sweetmaggiemae, happyhank, built4comfort, and breakfastinbed4u were examples of screen names that made people want to read the profile.

Of course, a poorly-written profile can negate the positive impression of a good screen name, as can a profile that does nothing to reinforce the promise implied in the name. So if you're fun2bewith, your profile should say what makes you a fun person, or what the fun things are that you like to do. You should also look hard at the picture you post of yourself, to be sure that it doesn't send a contradictory message.

And messages are what online dating profiles are all about. You want your message to be consistent and positive, and to express the qualities that will draw the right kinds of people to you. It all starts with the name, but, unfortunately, it can end there, too.