A Happy Ending

(NOTE: Jim's blog is now devoted to answering relationship questions submitted by readers. Please send any questions you may have to jim@attorneyatlove.com).

DEAR JIM: I just wanted to tell you that I was worried for nothing [see previous blog entry, dated April 27, 2010]. While my husband was on his business trip, I received a beautiful floral arrangement from "Flowers by Gina." It was my birthday yesterday, and my husband wanted to be sure I'd get the flowers on time. We went out for a wonderful birthday dinner last night, and I never mentioned that I had found the post-it note [with Gina's name and phone number on it]. Thanks for helping me to be stay calm. ("M" in Canada)

DEAR "M": You're welcome; I'm glad at least some of these stories have a happy ending.

There's no question that people can worry themselves sick over something that, out of context, looks suspicious, but which later proves to be innocent. If there is an affair going on, there will usually be a pattern of suspicious behavior, rather than a single unexplained incident. I'm not saying a person should wait forever before confronting his or her spouse, but a premature confrontation can cause serious resentment on the part of an innocent spouse. It can also be a tip-off to a guilty spouse that he's not being careful enough in hiding the tracks of his affair. It's always better to wait until the evidence is strong and a pattern has emerged.