Being good
to yourself is not the same as being selfish. In fact, it’s just the opposite. Your
relationship with yourself is the source of all your other relationships, and
if it’s not constantly tended to you’ll eventually have nothing to give to the
people you care the most about.
With that in
mind, let’s talk about New Year’s resolutions. I’ve got nothing against
goal-setting and self-improvement, but all too often our resolutions seem like
an exercise in self-flagellation or even self-loathing. “No more desserts.”
“Stop snacking at work.” “Drop three sizes by summer.” The premise is that
we’ve been bad and we have to start being good, and that to be good we have to
give up the things we love.
Most such resolutions
are soon abandoned, with good reason. Why should any sensible person whip
himself incessantly for no greater sin than simply being human?
To be human
is to enjoy food, drink, and other pleasures that make us happy and give us
reasons to live. Of course, there is such a thing as overindulgence, but the kind of person who makes resolutions is not
the kind of person who drinks vodka from morning to night, or eats three dozen
cookies a day. The kind of person who makes resolutions feels guilty because
she’s not perfect. Perfection may be something to strive for in a spiritual
sense, but it shouldn’t be the measure of our self-worth.
So, with no
further ado, here are my five feel-good resolutions for 2014: resolutions you
can actually keep and which will enhance your relationship with yourself in the
new year and beyond.
Resolution Number
One is: Drink More. OK, this doesn’t
apply to recovering alcoholics. But if you’ve never had a problem controlling
your alcohol consumption, your life would improve if you enjoyed an extra glass
of wine a couple of times a week. But I really mean enjoy. Savor the wine, sip it slowly, feel it relax your body and
renew your spirit. If you still feel a bit guilty, just call it “mindful
drinking.”
Resolution
Number Two is: Exercise More. Wait;
didn’t I just say no self-flagellation? I did, but exercise doesn’t have to be
punishment. Nor does exercise have to be merely a means to an end, if by end
you mean losing weight. Enjoy exercise for its own sake. Feel how energizing it
is to breathe fresh air on an early morning walk, or to stretch your arm and
shoulder muscles for five minutes, or to dance deliriously to a Donna Summer
song when no one’s home but you. If you lose a few pounds, fine, but don’t
measure your progress by that. In fact, don’t think in terms of “progress” at
all. Live in the moment, however briefly it may last.
Resolution
Number Three is: Maximize the Time You
Spend with Fun People. My guess is you know someone who makes you smile
just by hearing their name. If you’re lucky, you know several people like that,
people who are warm, humorous, upbeat, and life-affirming. Do everything you
can to see those people early and often in 2014, or at least stay in touch with
them. They’re helping to keep you alive.
Resolution
Number Four is the flip side of Number Three: To the extent possible, Avoid People Who Suck the Air out of the
Room, and Who Suck the Life out of You. Just as there are people who make
me smile when I hear their names, there are people who make me want to drive my
car off a cliff rather than spend time with them. Unfortunately, there’s
someone like that in every family and every office, so it’s impossible to avoid
them altogether. But it’s vital to your emotional health that you keep your
interaction with such people to a minimum.
Resolution
Number Five is: Try Something New and
Different Every Day. We all get into ruts. We tend to watch the same TV
shows, read the same magazines, visit the same websites, talk about the same
subjects….There’s nothing wrong with doing things you love, but if you’re doing
them solely out of habit you should shake things up a little. Instead of going
to the same restaurant, try one you’ve never been to. Instead of socializing
with the same couples all the time, invite a single friend over for dinner.
When you were younger, you were open to different perspectives, different
experiences, different people. You can’t turn the clock back, but you can feel a lot younger just by being open to
possibility.
I was going
to add as a sixth feel-good resolution: Have
More Sex. But if you follow the other five resolutions, the sex should take
care of itself. If you’re unstressed, energetic, intellectually adventurous, and
not constantly down on yourself, you’re probably going to feel sexually alive
as well, and other people will recognize that in you.
So ditch the
“thou shalt not” resolutions of the past, and let 2014 be the year you start
having fun again, and start getting in touch with your truest and best self.
